Where There’s a Will

This week’s prompt for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is ‘Where There’s a Will’.

With the help of a will I was able to breakdown a brick wall. That brick wall belonged to Anne Grierson, the wife of William Bell, whose brick wall I wrote about in a previous blog, published January 24th, 2018.

Anne Grierson and William Bell are my husband’s 2x great-grandparents. They were born in Dumfriesshire, Scotland and immigrated to Canada in 1851. They settled in the Pickering area of Ontario. Anne died on 15 February 1874 in Green River, Pickering and is buried at the St. John’s Presbyterian Cemetery in Pickering. William died on 13 December 1887 in Blaris, Manitoba, Canada and is buried in the Arrow River Cemetery in Arrow River, Manitoba.

Headstone for Anne Bell (photo taken by Ivy Wideman, 21 Sep 2009)

I started my search for Scottish records for Anne Grierson and William Bell using the National Records of Scotland website https://www.scotlandspeople.gov.uk. I was able to find their banns of marriage which are the public announcements of an intended marriage between two specified persons. The banns are read in the parish church of the individuals and allow others to raise concerns as to why the marriage should not occur. The banns are to be read aloud on three Sundays before the wedding ceremony. The first banns I was able to find were posted in William’s parish on 11 May 1851 and 18 May 1851 in Dryfesdale, Dumfriesshire and it states “William Bell in this parish and Ann Grierson in the parish of Applegarth”. The second record I found was the posting in Anne’s parish, Applegarth, Dumfriesshire, on 18 May 1851. It states “William Bell in Dryfesdale, and Ann Grierson in this Parish, Proclaimed two days – married elsewhere”.

Marriage Bann record for William Bell and Ann Grierson – Parish of Applegarth

I then searched for their birth and census records. I could not find any records that I was confident belonged to the William Bell I was searching for. However, I was able to find records in the 1851 Scotland Census and 1841 Scotland Census that I was confident belonged to Anne Grierson. The national census record for Scotland started in 1841. Prior to this date there are some census records that are held at their respective county archives or the ScotlandsPeople Centre. The records held at these places are only available for people who are able to travel to these centres to perform the search and this is not an option for me at this time.

The 1851 census record indicates Anne is an 18-year-old female General Servant at Netherhall in the parish of Applegarth and that she was born in Johnstone, Dumfriesshire. The 1841 census record indicates she is a 10-year-old female living with her family in the Templand Village located in the Parish of Lochmaben, Dumfriesshire and that she was born in this County. The family consists of her parents, William and Janet Grierson, and her siblings; Agnes, William, Mary and Jean. I could not find any further Scottish records for Annie so I turned to her family members to continue my search. They all have their place of birth recorded as the County of Dumfriesshire in the 1841 Scotland Census. In this same census William, Anne’s father, is noted to be 45 years old and his occupation is recorded as a Mason. The ages of the rest of the family are recorded as Janet (Anne’s mother) – 45 years old, Agnes – 25, Anne – 10, William – 7, Mary – 4 and Jean – 2.

1841 Scotland Census record for William Grierson and family

I was able to find the marriage record for Anne’s parents, William Grierson and Janet Ewart. They were married in Broomhills in the Parish of Applegarth and Sibbaldbie on December 13, 1811. I also found the will for William Grierson. William died 12 May 1850 in Templand, Dumfriesshire and is buried in the Applegarth Church Cemetery.

Excerpt from the will of William Grierson

In William Grierson’s will I found his occupation recorded as Mason in Templand Village and the date and place of his death. The inventory of his cash, bank savings and household furniture and other effects total £32 16s 3d.

I also found a record of his children. The will was written the 25th day of February 1850 and read on the 27th day of May 1850. It records his children as:

  • John Grierson, eldest son;
  • Frances Grierson, Joiner, residing in Templand;
  • Agnes Grierson or Sharp, wife of Joseph Sharp, Tailor at Hopefield, Parish of Keir;
  • Margaret Greirson or Graham, wife of William Graham, Collier at High Harrington in Cumberland in England;
  • Elizabeth Grierson or Bryden, residing at Templand Village;
  • Janet Greirson, residing at Newfield, Parish of Hoddam;
  • Ann Grierson, residing at Hall, Parish of Applegarth;
  • William Grierson, residing at Stobahill, Parish of Hutton;
  • Mary Grierson, residing at Kirkbank, Parish of Johnstone; and
  • Jean Grierson, residing at Templand Village.

All his children, except John, are appointed as his Executors and are recorded as present for the deposing of the Will on the 27th day of May 1850. This leads me to speculate that John’s whereabouts are unknown or he lives abroad and unable to return to Scotland for the reading of the will. It is also noted that William’s wife, Janet, is not mentioned in the will. This leads me to believe she died prior to the date the will was written.

With the help of a professional genealogist in Scotland I was able to find the following information regarding Anne’s mother, Janet Ewart. She was born to William Ewart and Margaret Linton about 1788. Her parents were married in Dryfesdale Parish on 10 November 1783. Their marriage record shows that William was from Applegarth Parish and Margaret was from Dryfesdale Parish. William was born about 1744 in Applegarth and died 28 July 1821 at Broomhills, Applegarth. Margaret died 14 January 1822, also at Broomhills. They are both buried in the Applegarth Cemetery. The children of William and Margaret Ewart are:

  • John Ewart was born about 1786. John was a schoolmaster. He married Jane (Jean) Crichton on 18 July 1809 at Broomhills, Applegarth. John died on 08 June 1811 at Sandyholm, Applegarth and is buried in the Applegarth Cemetery. John and Jean had a daughter named, Margaret Ewart. Margaret was born on 13 May 1810 at Applegarth and died at Corswaymoor on 28 January 1830 and is buried in the Applegarth Cemetery.
  • Francis Ewart was born about 1787. Francis married Jane (Jean) Carruthers in Hutton Parish on 21 February 1823. Jean died at Outer Mains, Jardinehall, Applegarth on 17 June 1826 and Francis died at Templand, Lochmaben Parish on 21 April 1840. They are both buried in the Applegarth Church Cemetery. Francis and Jean had a daughter, Mary Ann Ewart. Mary Ann was born on 18 October 1825 at Applegarth. According to the 1851 census, Mary Ann is living in the home of her maternal aunt, Janet Henry.
  • Janet Ewart, referred to above, was born about 1788. Jane married William Grierson on 13 December 1811 in Broomhills, Applegarth. Janet died 03 April 1845 in Lochmaben and William died 12 May 1850 in Templand. They are both buried in the Applegarth Church Cemetery. They had 13 children: John, Agnes, Margaret, Elizabeth, Janet, Jean, Francis, James, Anne, William, Mary and Jane.
  • William Ewart was born about 1795. William died on 22 December 1817 and is buried in the Applegarth Church Cemetery.

Upon further online research and record finding in ScotlandsPeople I was able to expand William and Janet Grierson’s family and follow a few of their children forward a couple of generations. William and Janet Greirson had 13 children and they are:

  • Agnes Grierson was born 17 September 1812 in Comcockle Quarry, Lochmaben. She married Joseph Sharpe on 19 November 1841 in Lochmaben. Agnes and Joseph lived in the Parish of Keir. Agnes is listed as a widow in the 1871 census suggesting Joseph died between 1861 and 1871. I cannot find a census record for Agnes after 1871 which suggests she died between 1871 and 1881. Agnes and Joseph Sharpe had five children: Mary, Jean, Thomas, William and James.
  • John Grierson is recorded as the eldest son which would suggest he was born between 1811 and 1817. I have not been able to find records to describe John’s life.
  • Margaret Grierson was born between 1813 and 1817. She married William Graham and they lived in Cumberland England. They had seven children: William, John, Mary Ann, Eliza, James, Robert and Joseph.
  • William Grierson was born about 1817 in Lochmaben. He died 19 January 1831 in Lochmaben and is buried in the Applegarth Church Cemetery.
  • Elizabeth Grierson was born about 1819 in Lochmaben. She married John Bryden on 16 January 1846 in Lochmaben. Elizabeth and John lived in the Parish of Lochmaben and had two children: William and Janet Ewart.
  • Janet Grierson was born about 1823 in Lochmaben. According to her father’s Will and the 1851 census she lived in the Parish of Hoddom. I have not been able to find any further records for her.
  • Jean Grierson was born about 1826 in Lochmaben and died 16 February 1829 in Lochmaben. She is buried in the Applegarth Church Cemetery.
  • Francis Grierson was born 16 August 1828 in Lochmaben. He married Nicholas Brown on 17 January 1855 in Dundrennan, Kirkcudbrightshire. Francis and Nicholas lived in the Dundrennan Village until, at least, 1891 which is the last census record I have found. Francis died 01 February 1907 in Toxteth, Liverpool, England. Nicholas died 24 September 1895, also, at Toxteth. They are both buried in the Toxteth Park Cemetery. Francis and Nicholas had 11 children: William, Agnes, John Brown, Francis, Janet, James, William, David, Robert, Elizabeth and Robert.
  • James Grierson was born about January 1830 in Lochmaben and died 12 May 1830 in Lochmaben. He is buried in the Applegarth Church Cemetery.
  • Anne Grierson, referred to above, was born 23 April 1830 in Johnstone. She married William Bell in Dumfriesshire, Scotland in May 1851. She died 15 February 1874 in Green River, Pickering, Ontario from complications during childbirth and was buried in the St. John’s Presbyterian Cemetery in Pickering. Anne and William had eight children: Janet, William, Margaret Grierson, Annie, Francis, Jeannie Agnes, Robert and John.
  • William Grierson was born about 1833 in Lochmaben. He married Elizabeth Laing on 24 August 1855 in Falkirk, Stirlingshire, Scotland. They continued to live in Falkirk. William died 12 June 1874 in Falkirk and Elizabeth died 23 July 1918 in Falkirk. They had six children: Helen Wade, Janet, William, Alexander, Amelia and John.
  • Mary Grierson was born on 18 October 1835 in Lochmaben. She married William Anderson 08 June 1855 in Templing, Lochmaben. This is the last record I have found for this couple.
  • Jane Grierson was born on 29 September 1839 and lived in the Templand Village until she immigrated to Canada about 1855 settling in Cobourg, Northumberland, Ontario. Here she met Andrew McCreight and they were married on 28 December 1865 in Cobourg. The family lived in Scarborough, York, Ontario until Andrew died on 12 September 1903. He is buried at the Elmwood Cemetery in Markham. Jane and Andrew had five children: Minnie Mary, Francis Grierson, Jessie Elizabeth, James Andrew and Margaret Jane. In 1904 Jane moved to Grandview, Manitoba to live with her daughter, Minnie, and to be near her other two daughters who lived in Dauphin, Manitoba; Jessie and Margaret. The boys, Francis and James, continued to live in Ontario. Minnie married Duncan Pearson on 28 September 1892 in Brandon, Manitoba and they moved to Grandview. Jessie married Dr. William James Harrington on 14 October 1903 in Scarborough, Ontario and they moved to Dauphin. Dr. Harrington was one of the first doctors in Dauphin and became the head of surgery there. Jane McCreight travelled from Grandview to Dauphin in the spring of 1906 for an extended visit with her daughters. She had been staying with her daughter and husband, Dr. and Mrs. William Harrington, for a few weeks when she became ill and passed away at their home. She was buried in the Riverside Cemetery at Dauphin on 18 April 1906. In the fall of 1906 the weather turned cool enough for her body to be exhumed on October 18th and transported to Markham, Ontario to be buried beside her husband at the Elmwood Cemetery.

    Obituary for Jane McCreight
Entry record at Riverside Cemetery, Dauphin, Manitoba for Jane McCreight

The information gleaned from the will of William Grierson helped me expand this family. If, not for the will, I may not have found the other siblings of Anne, nor might I have found the married surnames of her sisters. As I mentioned earlier, there are no census records available for me to search prior to 1841 and in the 1841 Scotland Census this family only has five of their 13 children recorded. This added information allowed me to research the family further. While I tried to search for records for every sibling of Anne’s, I was not successful for all of them. I did have an ‘eureka’ moment when I found the record of marriage for Jane Grierson and Andrew McCreight — I have not found another public tree that records this Jane Grierson, wife of Andrew McCreight, to be the same Jane Greirson, daughter of William Grierson and Janet Ewart. Another moment of excitement was to find the record of death for Jane Grierson McCreight and the fact that she died and was buried in Dauphin — Dauphin is my home town.

In my opinion, wills can contain far more information than who died and who did they bequeath their belongings to. As a genealogist I like to capture all the information from any document or record I find. You never know what may be hiding in them.

Heirloom

This week’s prompt for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is ‘Heirloom’. I have an heirloom from three of my grandparents: a thimble from my maternal grandmother, who was a beautiful quilter; a fishing net shuttle from my paternal grandfather, who was a fisherman and would use it to mend his nets; and a brooch from my paternal grandmother, made for her by her grandfather.

For the purpose of this blog I will write about the brooch. It was made for my grandmother, Margaret Einarson, who I wrote about in a previous blog, published January 8th, 2018. Margaret was born September 18, 1897 in Arnes, Manitoba, Canada at the farm called Búastaði. Her parents were Jón Einarsson and Sigriður Jónsdóttir, both emigrated from Iceland in the early 1890’s settling in the Arnes area where they met and were later married December 21st, 1895.

Back Row: Einar Eiríksson
Seated: Jón Einarsson and Sigriður Jónsdóttir holding their twins, Einar Malvin          and Jón Sigurthor
Front: Margaret Einarson

Margaret’s paternal grandfather was Einar Eiríksson, Jón Einarsson’s father. Einar was born in Svalbarðsseli, Þistilsfirði, Iceland on August 3rd, 1835. He left Iceland for Canada in 1894 and settled in the Arnes area. In the 1901 Census of Canada, Einar is listed as living in the Selkirk district in the area of Township 21, Range 4, Meridian E1 with his son, Jón Einarsson, and his family. At this time the family was said to be living at the Búastaði farm in the Arnes area which is consistent with the location recorded in the census. He moved with them to Kettle Bay on Red Deer Point in 1903. In the 1911 Census of Canada, Einar is listed as living in the Dauphin district in the area of Salt Springs with his son, Jón Einarsson, and his family. According to the Manitoba Historical Society publication Number 51 in February 2006, Virginia Petch wrote an article titled Salt-Making in Manitoba and Red Deer Point on Lake Winnipegosis was known as one of the Salt Springs in Manitoba. The Salt Springs of Manitoba were known to have water that contained enough salt that the salt could be harvested. According to Petch’s article, the salt was harvested by putting the brine into large kettles and using an evaporating furnace. Thirty gallons of brine would produce one bushel of salt and two bushels of salt could be produced daily from a kettle. The Einarsson family farmed in Kettle bay for nine years and then moved to George Street in Winnipegosis in 1912. In both the 1901 and 1911 Census of Canada records Einar is listed as “blind”. Einar passed away September 7th, 1914 in Winnipegosis and is buried in the Winnipegosis Cemetery.

Einar Eiríksson’s Gravestone

Einar was a goldsmith by trade. As a celebration of Margrét’s birth Einar designed and crafted a brooch. He was considered blind but by combining two pair of glasses he was able to see well enough to create the delicate work in this brooch. Einar engraved the initials ‘MJ’ in the gold plate in the middle of the brooch to represent Margrét’s initials as they would be if she were living in Iceland. The use of the patronymic naming pattern of Iceland would register her name as Margrét Jónsdóttir. However, as a Canadian Margrét’s last name was registered using the patrilineal naming pattern and she received the same last name as her father, Einarsson. Eventually her name was anglicized and she was known as Margaret Einarson. I am not sure of the exact age of this brooch but recognize it was made between the birth of my grandmother and the death of Einar, 1897 – 1914.

My grandmother gave this brooch to me and when I was married I affixed this brooch to my wedding hat and it represented ‘something old’. When my older sister was married she also wore it attached to her wedding hat and my younger sister attached it to the handkerchief she was carrying. This started the tradition to have the brides in my family wear this brooch for their weddings. My daughter-in-law and two of my nieces have worn this brooch and it is safely stored waiting for the next bride. This is such a beautiful heirloom to have in the family and to have it cherished by brides of each successive generation as they wear it proudly during their wedding.

My husband and I with my grandmother, Margaret Einarson.
The brooch affixed to my daughter-in-law’s wedding dress
The brooch affixed to my wedding hat

Valentine

This week’s prompt for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is ‘Valentine’. It is hard to know how your ancestors met each other and fell in love. Some genealogists are lucky to find love letters that were written between their ancestors. Others may have found diaries. Others, like myself, witness the love between a couple during the daily interactions of their life.

The love story I witnessed was my in-laws, Douglas and Mary Hobson. Doug was a captain with Trans Canada Airlines (later to be called Air Canada) when he met Mary Everett who was a stewardess with the company.

Mary wanted to be a stewardess. At that time, one was required to train as a nurse before applying to be a stewardess. Mary did this and graduated as a nurse from the Welseley Hospital in Toronto, Ontario, Canada in 1949. Shortly after her graduation she submitted her application to be a stewardess and was hired by Trans Canada Airlines in 1952 and stationed in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doug had served in WWII as a pilot with the Air Force. He had performed 39 tours (bombing missions) before returning home to Canada in 1943. Upon returning, he continued with the air force as a flight instructor before his official discharge in 1944. Doug then decided to continue his life as a pilot and applied to Trans Canada Airlines (TCA) and started his career with them 10 April 1944 and was stationed in Winnipeg in 1945. He flew for them until the 30th of November 1977 when he retired. During his 33 years and 8 months with TCA/Air Canada he accumulated 26,532:46 hours flying time.

Mary and Doug met during a TCA bowling event. They noticed each other; Doug was a charming, good-looking man and Mary was a beautiful young woman. Mary and Doug found themselves attracted to each other, but Mary noticed Doug had a wedding ring on his left hand and didn’t want to start any relationship. The two of them continued to run into each other through work parties and get togethers with friends. Doug informed Mary that his wife left him a couple of years prior and they had been separated since. Mary agreed to start dating.

It didn’t take long for the two of them to realize they were meant for each other and Doug introduced Mary to his seven-year-old daughter. As 1953 neared its end Doug petitioned the courts to divorce his wife, Ruby. The petition was heard in the courts and on the 1st of December 1953 the decree was awarded ‘unless sufficient cause be shown to the Court why this Decree should not be made absolute within three months of the date thereof’. At that time the usual period between the Decree and the Order to make it Absolute and Final was six months. Doug asked his lawyer to argue for this period to be reduced so that he and Mary could marry as soon as possible. The judge agreed to reduce the period and on 03 March 1954 the ‘COURT DOTH ORDER AND DECREE that the said decree mentioned and made herein on the 1st day of December, A.D., 1953 be and the same is hereby absolute and final’.

Mary and Doug were married ten days later on 13 March 1954 in Brockville, Ontario, Canada. This marriage lasted 52 ½ years and ended when Mary passed away 05 November 2006.

The family grew by two after the birth of their daughter and son making them a family of five. Family and friends were important to both Mary and Doug. They loved socializing and established great friendships with couples that had children of similar age to their own. Some of these friendships have continued and Mary and Doug’ three children remain in contact with these families; John and Barney Higham are one of these couples that communication by phone or email continues.

Doug commented on more than one occasion to me that he loved Mary and that he could ‘honestly say that they never argued with each other’. They just had ‘discussions’. I can state that I never saw them argue or even appear annoyed with one another. Mary did have a wonderful way to avoid disagreeing with him; this allowed her to win the important discussions. Doug always wanted Mary around and when she wasn’t, he truly missed her. As he aged he began having issues with his memory. Once when Mary was in hospital, arrangements were made to make sure that Doug was never alone because of his memory. One day I received a phone call from my son, who was keeping his grandfather company. My son reported that grandpa had left by taxi before he knew what was happening. I quickly got in the car and headed for the hospital Mary was in, as well as, making a phone call to the taxi company to determine where Doug had taken the taxi to. The taxi company informed me they had dropped Doug off at St. Boniface Hospital. When I got there and entered Mary’s hospital room I found both my in-laws having a conversation and Doug did not know why I appeared so concerned.

When both Mary and Doug were admitted to a long-term care facility they were not on the same ward. The desire for Doug to see Mary was too compelling and even with his memory issues he was able to find her on the few times he left the ward without an escort.

These two wonderful people truly had a love that lasted through all their ups and downs of marriage. I am glad I had the opportunity to know them and witness that love.

Shaun

This week’s prompt for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is ‘Favourite Name’. My 10,000+ family tree contains 2,423 different names. When looking over these names I find I like a certain name because I like a relative or friend with that name, because of the unique way of spelling it, because it is unique, or just because I think it is beautiful.

How do parents choose a name for their child? This can be considered a very important and stressful time during a pregnancy because parents want to pick a name that suits their child but may be restricted by family traditions or country laws. In some societies it is common to wait a period of time (sometimes a few months) to get to know the child before naming them.

Some cultures have family names passed on from generation to generation by following this naming pattern:

  • The first son is named after the paternal grandfather;
  • The second son after the maternal grandfather;
  • The third son after the father;
  • The first daughter after the maternal grandmother;
  • The second daughter after the paternal grandmother;
  • The third daughter after the mother.

Other cultures encourage the child to have two or three names. The two-name pattern would be a spiritual or Christian first name followed by the name the person would be known by. With the three-name pattern the first name would be a spiritual or Christian name, and the second and third names would be more traditional and often comprised of three syllables.

In cultures where the family surname is derived from the father’s surname the mother’s maiden name is changed as she adopts her husband’s surname after marriage. This is referred to as patrilineal surname.  Some families choose to carry the mother’s maiden name on through the children by giving one child this name as a first name or by giving multiple children or all the children this name as a middle name.

In the Eastern Slavic countries, the child would be given a first name, a patronymic middle name and the family surname. The middle name would end in -vych or -vovych for men and -ivna or -yivna for women.

In the Jewish faith the child is often named after a family member who has died. Parents hope that in honouring an admired family member this way the child will carry that person’s virtues during their life. It is also believed the soul of the loved one lives on in the child who bears his/her name. Sometimes parents choose to modernize the original name of the person they are honouring by finding a name that has the same or similar meaning, choosing a name that sounds similar, choosing a name that starts with the same letter or choosing a name that in some way relates to the memory of the person.

Some countries, like Iceland, require the parents to stick to a limited list of names. This is to preserve the Icelandic language and to protect Iceland’s cultural heritage. Names must contain only letters from the Icelandic alphabet, they may not conflict with the linguistic structure of Icelandic, they shouldn’t embarrass the child and the gender-based name must be given to the appropriate gender. There are currently about 1,700 male names and 1,850 female given names on the list. Parents may want to name their child a name that is not on the list. To do this they must send a request to the Icelandic Naming Committee who will determine if the name follows all the required criteria before consenting to its use.

Many names have been identified with a specific gender by adding a letter to the end of the name or changing the letter at the end of the name. Some examples of this are Alan/Alana, Antonia/Antonio, George/Georgia Robert/Roberta, Verna/Verne and Victor/Victoria.

Some parents choose a name that is unique so their child will always stand out in the crowd. Many popular celebrities have been noted to have taken this path. Other parents may choose a name they love, but they spell it differently; add a letter, remove a letter or change a letter for another letter that will produce the same sound. Some names that were more common a generation or two ago are becoming more common again because they are now considered unique. There are some names from my list of ancestors that I don’t think will become common again, such as Patience, Shackel, Silence and Submit.

 Some parents have given their child a gender-neutral name. Examples from my family tree are Allison, Bailey, Beverley, Brett, Carmen, Claude, Clemence, Dallas, Dana, Daniel, Devin, Emerson, Erin, Finley, Finn, Francis, Gail, Jean, Jesse, Kelly, Kelsey, Kennedy, Kimberley, Laurie, Lee, Leslie, Lindsay, Marion, Morgan, Robin, Shannon, Shaun, Shawn, Shelley, Stephanie, Sydney and Valerie. Some people don’t recognize that many names are now considered gender-neutral. The history of the name may have originated with one gender but over time was also used for the opposite gender.

My name is one of those. My parents liked the name Shaun and that was the name I was given. Shaun was the common spelling version for a male, but I was a little girl. I feel it has set me apart and helped make me unique. I have learned to live with the surprise when someone meets me for the first time and they expected I would be male. The first day of my new job as a nurse I was greeted by many of the staff with ‘oh, I thought we were getting a male nurse’. I have also lived with people wanting to call me Shauna and I have to keep correcting them. I have not appreciated the times when I have attempted to pay for a purchase at a store with my credit card and have been asked if I am using my husband’s card or asked to show identification to prove it is my card. But, I can easily recognize junk mail because it comes addressed to ‘Mr. Shaun Hobson’. I love my name and am glad my parents chose it for me.

Do you know the history of your name and the reasons behind your parents choosing it for you?